Move over, Watchmen! There’s a new hero in town, and they come armed with… a law degree? That’s right, while we’re all learning to outrun mutant cockroaches, the legal eagles are gearing up to sue the apocalypse. Because nothing says “90 seconds to midnight” like a strongly worded cease and desist letter to Armageddon.
Our ambitious attorneys aren’t just tackling garden-variety doom. Oh no, they’re taking on the whole catastrophe buffet: nuclear war, climate change and our AI overlords. They’ve cracked the code; the secret to saving humanity lies in fine print and billable hours!
Think about it: If lawyers can find loopholes in tax codes, surely they can negotiate with sentient AI or file an injunction against rising sea levels. And in the face of nuclear annihilation, who better to have than someone who can filibuster until the heat death of the universe?
So next time you hear about lawyers discussing existential risks, don’t laugh. They might be our last hope. If not, at least they’ll draft a killer end-of-the-world contract.
Remember. When facing the apocalypse, sometimes you need to fight fire with… depositions. Now excuse me while I brush up on “Doomsday Tort Law 101.” The world’s fate may depend on it!
For the current status of the Doomsday Clock, click here.
(All apocalyptic legal services are payable in bottle caps and canned goods. Terms and conditions apply.)
